Fetishes
Welcome to the world of fetishes
1. Acrotomophilia
Acrotomophilia describes arousal towards amputees, or the sites of amputations on the body. There is a hierarchy of preferences, with leg amputations being the most desirable, according to a 1976 study. A preference was also shown for amputations that left a stump, which a 1997 study theorized was due to the phallic nature of the remaining limb. People with this fetish are known as devotees and, in some instances, other disabilities or assistive devices are also included in the fetish.
There are also those who are “aroused by the idea of becoming an amputee themselves, known as apotemnophilia,” says Lehmiller. Both acrotomophilia and apotemnophilia are thought to be rare, “compromising only a small number of case reports in literature,” he adds.
Unsurprisingly, these fetishes come with a variety of ethical concerns. While some amputees may be happy to participate, there is also a risk of non-consensually fetishizing individuals or whole groups of people. And for people whose fetish extends to wanting their own limbs amputated, medical ethicists are even more torn. These arguments often encompass “patient autonomy, beneficence, non-maleficence and justice with regard to every person’s ‘right to happiness,’” per a 2010 report published in the Journal of Medical Ethics.
2. Agalmatophilia
You might’ve read about Pygmalion, a sculptor from Greek mythology who fell in love with a statue of his own creation, in school. Well, did you know there’s a fetish inspired by his story? “Agalmatophilia was defined decades ago as sexual attraction to (or establishing sexual relationships with) statues,” says Lehmiller. “Some called it ‘statue syndrome.’”
Agalmatophilia, following its traditional meaning, is a bit of a vintage fetish, as it was more prevalent in previous centuries. Additionally, a few academics have pointed out how this fetish exists largely in literature, rather than in real life, so perhaps it might be more accurate to label it a fantasy.
That said, agalmatophilia “has since been expanded to encompass mannequins and dolls,” explains Lehmiller. While the current prevalence of agalmatophilia in unknown, “if you employ the broader definition that encompasses dolls, it has probably increased, given the fact that sex dolls are more widely available today and have become more lifelike—and more and more people seem to be using them,” Lehmiller says.
3. Age Play
Age play is a kind of fetish that involves an exchange of power, says Jill McDevitt, PhD, a sexologist and sexuality educator at CalExotics.
In this activity, partners role play and act as if they are different ages than what they actually are. “A common combination is an adult and a ‘baby,’ who would be cared for like an infant or young child,” says McDevitt.
Age play can also be categorized as a form of dominance and submission play, where the partner playing the younger person is often the submissive. Age play shouldn't be confused with autonepiophilia, where a person gets sexual pleasure from dressing up or acting as a baby (more on that in a sec), as that isn't the same as the act of roleplaying as someone of a different age.
Also known as paraphilic infantilism, this fetish describes someone who derives sexual pleasure from dressing up as, or acting like, a baby. “Oftentimes, there’s a mommy figure or a daddy figure, and this individual is playing the role of a child,” Lehmiller explains. “Maybe they’re being fed or nursed, or wearing or using diapers, or engaging in other infantile behaviors.”
Research suggests that an element of BDSM often overlaps with paraphilic infantilism, where the baby/child figure takes on a very submissive role, Lehmiller adds. The power dynamics of a parent/infant relationship might lend itself well to dominant and submissive roles, and certain elements of a baby costume (namely the diaper) may aid in sexual humiliation.
5. Bondage
You've probably heard of bondage before (it's the B part of BDSM), but JIC you need an official definition: It's a type of activity where you restrain your partner with things like rope, non-stick tape, or cuffs, says Carol Queen, PhD, a sexologist and author of The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone describes. “Bondage is a trust exercise above all, and can be done for its own sake—Japanese bondage, in particular, is aesthetically beautiful and sexy to do—or to add to other kinds of sensation, from intercourse to spanking and more,” she adds.
That said, this kink should be exercised with caution as any kind of bondage that is too tight is not only uncomfortable, but can cause permanent nerve damage, Queen warns. To make sure you’re practicing bondage safely, school yourself on best practices and, most importantly, set boundaries to ensure the safety of all involved. One common safety exercise is to use a safeword, which signals that the activity needs to end immediately.
6. Breeding Kink
“When someone has a 'breeding kink,' they are often into ejaculation, having cum (whether it’s semen, some sort of homemade cum recipe, or one of the many kinds of lube made to look like cum) inside of them, and dirty talk about pregnancy,” says kink educator Sinclair Sexsmith. Like many fetishes and fantasies, this kink isn’t necessarily literal. Just because you get off on saying, “Put a baby in me” during sex doesn’t mean you actually want to get pregnant. In fact, a breeding kink can even apply when performing sex acts that can’t lead to pregnancy, like anal sex. And “Mpreg,” or male pregnancy, is a common theme in breeding kink-related fan fiction.
As with all fantasies and dirty talk, this is not a kink to spring on your partner when things are getting hot and heavy. Before exercising your breeding kink, clearly negotiate what words and phrases are fair game with your partner, says Sexsmith, and draw clear boundaries between when it’s dirty talk time, and when you’re actually proposing a life choice.
7. Consensual Non-consent
Consensual non-consent (CNC) is “an umbrella term that refers to any type of BDSM play or relationship dynamic where ignoring someone’s ‘no’ is part of the consensual role play,” says sexologist and kink and BDSM educator Sunny Megatron.
But “because ‘no’ can mean ‘yes’ in CNC, thorough negotiation and the use of safewords are paramount,” she explains. “Consent, mutual respect, and ongoing communication are cornerstones of this type of play. Aftercare and trigger plans are also important—because of the higher degree of emotional risk, even the most well-planned scenes can go wrong.”
Why are some people into such a risky form of play? “This type of play provides a consensual safe container that allows for the exploration of intense emotions and sensations, one’s own limits, and even societal norms,” says Megatron. “Elements of distress, control, and surrender, combined with the trust and communication that’s required in CNC scenarios, can create a heightened sense of arousal and catharsis.”
But CNC isn’t just for hardcore BDSM enthusiasts. “It can also encompass gentler scenarios like light-hearted power-play, cheeky banter or resistance, playful bets, and brat play,” Megatron says. But regardless of the intensity, “communication, negotiation, and enthusiastic consent should always be prioritized.”
8. Coulrophilia
Are you afraid of clowns? If so, scroll down to the next item on the list because I’m talking about coulrophilia. “Coulrophilia is defined as sexual attraction to clowns, or to clownlike characters, such as jesters or mimes,” says Lehmiller. And like a few of the fetishes on this list, it’s a pretty niche sexual interest, Lehmiller adds.
For some, the appeal of this fetish may be the very thing that makes clowns scary to others: the clown makeup and costumes. “In the few instances I’ve seen of coulrophilia, it has usually been about not just interest in clowns, but dressing up as a clown oneself,” Lehmiller says. “So, it may be a form of roleplay, in which there are elements of both sexual arousal and psychological escape.” For others, the appeal of clown play lies in the taboo. “Many of us grew up with clowns being a form of wholesome family entertainment, so there may be a subversive element to sexualizing them,” Lehmiller explains.
9. Cuckolding
Cuckolding is a form of BDSM and power play, says Richmond.
The act calls for one person to watch their partner have sex with someone else or listen to stories about their partner having sex with someone else. The goal here is often sexual humiliation. The person watching or listening is turned on by their partner desiring someone else over them. They may also enjoy the stimulation of “being cheated on” and experimenting with an act that’s considered taboo.
And while it’s not a hard-and-fast rule, cuckolding typically involves a man whose woman partner, whether that’s a wife or girlfriend, has sex with another man and cosplays desiring the other man over her husband or boyfriend.
10. Edging
If you think the journey is more important than the destination, you may understand some of the appeal of edging, which is the practice of approaching orgasm and then backing off. “As opposed to rushing over the finish line, those that edge like to keep it in view, dance up to it, and then back away,” says DeGray. How long does an edging session usually last? It varies wildly, “with dedicated practitioners sometimes engaging in edging sessions that can last for multiple days or even longer,” per DeGray.
So why delay orgasm? “Edging enthusiasts engage in the practice for a multitude of reasons, such as staying in a sexual headspace longer, working to counteract premature ejaculation, or to expand their sensuality options,” explains DeGray.
But edging isn’t all about enjoying the process. Many fans find that if there’s an eventual orgasm, it can be a great deal more intense than an orgasm that’s achieved right away. But DeGray provides caution, too: “Edging doesn’t work for everyone and some find that by repeatedly putting off an orgasm, eventually they lose it. If lost orgasms are something that frustrates you, edging might not be the best technique for you to explore.”
11. Electrostimulation
Considered a subset of sensation play (more on that later), electrostimulation involves creating arousal through a sensation of electric shock. “Electricity play uses toys/devices that issue a mild shock or sometimes a zappy-feeling pulse,” says Queen. “This is different from vibration and can feel fairly intense.” Additionally, “most [toys or devices] are below-the-waist only, because it’s important to keep electricity away from the heart.”
Before delving into this kind of play, it’s important to learn the ropes since using the wrong tools can be dangerous. Newbies shouldn’t use intense-shocking tools like tasers, for example, says Queen. “Those aren’t beginner-level at all and require quite a bit of know-how to avoid damage.”
One beginner-friendly tool McDevitt recommends is a controlled sex toy that allows you to combine the familiar pleasurable sensation of vibration with electrostimulation, like the CalExotics Impulse Intimate E-Stimulator Dual Wand. Tools like these offer several levels of electrostimulation that are safe for partners just introducing electric play into their sex life.
12. Emetophilia
Although it's extremely rare, emetophilia—or attraction to vomit—is real, says Lehmiller. This can mean you're attracted to your own vomit or someone else's; turned on by watching and listening to the vomit, or doing the vomiting yourself.
There's only been one major scientific investigation into "erotic vomiting," in 1982. So, knowledge on emetophilia is scant, but the themes of dominance, submission, and humiliation are self-evident within this fetish.
13. Erotic Humiliation
You may hear “humiliation” and have flashbacks to schoolyard bullies. Though some folks may enjoy that roleplay scenario, erotic humiliation doesn’t have to be mean-spirited. “It’s a myth that humiliation play must always be extreme, emotionally hurtful, and push boundaries,” says Megatron. “The assumption is the bottom must be emotionally torn down with cruel insults. While some people prefer this type of consensual humiliation, there are many other flavors.”
What flavors are those, exactly? “Some engage in playful and consensual forms of humiliation that involve lighthearted teasing, playful name-calling, or consensual embarrassment. A submissive being made to wear a silly outfit or perform a humorous task, for instance, is a valid option for fun and enjoyable humiliation play,” explains Megatron. As for why some find pleasure in this kink: “Being consensually teased, controlled, or embarrassed taps into power dynamics, vulnerability, and intense emotion in a way that’s deeply arousing and pleasurable,” says Megatron.
If erotic humiliation has sparked your interest, it's important to know that “erotic humiliation requires open communication, trust, and explicit consent,” Megatron explains. “Detailed negotiation is necessary for establishing boundaries and determining the type of humiliation that’s comfortable for everyone.” The first time you try out this kink, keep in mind that emotional triggers can happen in any form of humiliation, so it's essential to incorporate frequent check-ins and ongoing negotiation into your play.
14. Exhibitionism
Exhibitionism as a term has long had a place in common language, but its definition in a sexual context is a little different. “[Consensual] exhibitionism is erotic interest in being seen/observed and/or exhibiting yourself and your body or sexuality,” says Queen. Think of it as showing off in an erotic context. This kink “can encompass things like preferring sex with lights on and eyes open; liking to dress in a sexy fashion (whatever that might mean to you, given your interests and identity); and liking to have sex at a play party even better than liking it at home.”
Exhibitionism can be a real antidote for sexual shame and feeling unsexy, according to Queen. It can also be performative, giving people permission to let go of their inhibitions (wordplay intended) and go big with their sexual expression.
But however this kink may manifest in a person's life, exhibitionism's appeal relates to the way being seen might make someone feel affirmed in their sexiness and sexuality, Queen adds. The bottom line: “For exhibitionists, it is just hotter to be observed,” says Queen.
15. Food Play
Did you always resent being told not to play with your food when you were growing up? Well, this might be the kink for you.
Food can be incredibly sensual (remember the last time you had a "foodgasm" after biting into something particularly satisfying?), which makes its inclusion in the bedroom an obvious fit for food play enthusiasts. “People might find it hot because of the sensory stimulation. Mixing food with sexual pleasure oftentimes results in arousal for both parties involved,” says Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, a relationship therapist and author of MAN*ifesting: A Step-By-Step Guide to Attracting the Love That’s Meant For You.
Even without the fetish, plenty of folks have tried a little whipped cream or chocolate syrup in the bedroom. You probably have something in the kitchen right now that could be licked off your partner’s body. But you don’t have to get messy to enjoy food play. Hand-feeding a partner berries or grapes can also be a sensual experience—and doesn’t require as much cleanup.
16. Foot Fetish
A foot fetish means you're sexually aroused by feet, also referred to as foot partialism. People with foot fetishes may be attracted to seeing feet in certain footwear, such as high heels. They might enjoy interactions with feet, including massaging or toe-sucking. Some mayprefer embellishments on the feet, like a fresh pedicure or a tattoo.
In certain cases, a person may appreciate the feet more than the person they're attached to, says Queen. But feet should really be looked at as an added source of a turn-on, not a substitute for a real connection with another person. "In fact, you can think of any kink basically this way: a 'cherry-on-top' erotic treat, or a way to focus desire and arousal," says Queen.
17. Formicophilia
Considered by some to be a subset of zoophilia (more on that later), according to Lehmiller, formicophilia involves arousal "dependent upon small insects or creatures crawling on the body, especially the genital area, sometimes biting or stinging in the process."
Lehmiller says he hasn't seen too much research into formicohpilia, but what's available has mentioned ants, cockroaches, snails, and bees as possible sources of erotic pleasure.
18. Gagging
Sexual kinks like gagging can fall under the umbrella of dominant/submission play, says McDevitt. “[It] is a vehicle for increasing the helplessness of the sub by making them drool, unable to speak, and humiliated.”
Again, the practice of gagging should involve consent and communication. “Approaching a partner with a desire to explore a kink together should be clear, respectful, and with a sense of curiosity, instead of demands,” McDevitt explains. While you might think of these practices as purely sexual, they’re not. As with anything, there is an emotional risk, so if you aren’t comfortable talking about gagging, electrocuting, or whipping your partner, you probably shouldn’t be doing it.
19. Impact Play
Impact play encompasses a wide variety of activities, including spanking, flogging, paddling, and even whipping—with or without toys. “Exploring different bodily sensations introduced through impact can be exciting,” says Meg Jeske, a licensed professional counselor based in Portland, OR. “And impact can lead to emotional catharsis or physical relief of tension in the body.”
There are mental benefits, too, according to Jeske: “Learning how one's body responds to impact can foster a sense of pride or accomplishment.” People who enjoy receiving impact often develop a strong preference between “stingy” vs. “thuddy” impact. A whip, for example, delivers more of a stinging sensation, while a heavy flogger delivers more of a thud.
Because you don't need any fancy equipment to begin exploring, impact play is an approachable kink. A bare, open palm spanking a butt, for example, is one entry point. When engaging in any kind of impact play, though, be careful to avoid bones and internal organs, as well as vulnerable areas of the body, like the face. This precaution becomes more important the harder you’re hitting, or the harder the tool you’re using. For the safest and most enjoyable experience for everyone involved, “take a class or read about where and how to hit someone safely and what areas to avoid,” advises Jeske. “ Engage in clear negotiation and get enthusiastic consent before doing impact play, and have a plan for how to slow down or stop the encounter if something isn't going right for either person.”
20. Katoptronphilia
A fascination with mirrors, or more specifically, watching yourself in sexual situations is known as katoptronphilia.
"People who like this kind of play may have a mirror by their bed, or masturbate to their own mirror image," explains Queen. In other words, katoptronphilia essentially means you enjoy having sex in front of a mirror. To bring katoptonphilia into your bedroom, make sure you have your partner's consent and be sure to be strategic about where you place your mirrors, so you can catch the best glimpses of yourself.
Like many kinks, this practice is often portrayed in porn, but Queen says it's important that porn isn't your only guide to a new sexual activity. "Porn is not intended to be how-to material, unless it is clearly advertised as such," she notes. "There is [however] a small but significant genre of what I call 'ex-ed,' explicit educational movies." If you want to learn more, reach out to a sex therapist or read up on materials written by them.
21. Klismaphilia
This turn-on is one experienced by people who find enemas arousing, says Richmond. A Greek term, "klismaphilia" refers to the pleasure someone experiences from relieving themselves while using an enema, meaning they enjoy the pressurized feeling. For others, it's the feeling or knowledge of having their bowels cleaned. And in other cases, it's all about giving someone an enema or preparing the body for an enema. Most klismaphiles discover their fetish after having a doctor-recommended enema in childhood.
22. Lactophilia
Lactophiles are "people who either want to watch a woman who’s lactating or consume her breast milk," says Lehmiller. A Lactophilic relationship might involve a man and a woman who's expressing breastmilk—the latter derives sexual pleasure from suckling the former in what's referred to as a "nursing relationship."
Autoenpipohiles might also take great interest in a baby bottle, potentially filled with real breast milk—and that can be a fetish, too.
23. Latex Fetish
Latex isn’t just for condoms and gloves—whole outfits can be made from the skintight material. For people with this fetish, “latex garments are sexy,” says Queen. “You can shine them, they cling to the body, and they make you feel kind of science fiction-y to the touch.” Those with a latex fetish are often turned on by the sensation of wearing latex, or seeing others wear it, she explains.
But there are a few potential downsides to playing with latex—some folks have latex allergies, so be sure to check with a partner before wearing latex to a date, Queen advises. And read the fine print if you’re planning to wear latex to a play party as some venues don’t allow certain allergens in the door. Plus, as a natural substance, latex degrades over time. Still, safe sex gear, like condoms, gloves, and panties for oral sex, all have a silky feel, especially when they fit tightly and used with lube, she says. Looking at these forms of protection from a latex fetishist's perspective may help people view safe sex as especially sexy, adds Queen.
24. Lingerie
“Being turned on by underwear or lingerie is not uncommon,” says Lehmiller. “However, where this starts to take on fetish qualities is when lingerie becomes essential to arousal—you may not be able to become aroused or fully aroused without the presence of the object.”
It’s not hard to understand its appeal. After all, lingerie is specifically designed to be sexy, often made with details eye-pleasing details, like lace or sheer fabric. But if you’re a true lingerie fetishist, you might have very particular interests—from nylons with the seam up the back to specific styles of underwear. Hey, maybe it’s an excuse to get your partner something special (wink-wink)!
25. Macrophilia
Macrophilia—"sexual attraction to giants or giantesses," according to Lehmiller—also represents a growing sector of the porn industry. Particularly arousing niches within this sexual interest include: being squished against a giant's breasts, being crushed by a giant, being dominated by a giant, or being physically harmed by a giant. All of which seem pretty plausible in a giant-on-regular-sized-human sex scenario.
Though some macrophiles may be attracted to people that are just a few feet taller than them, macrophila is really about imagination. "It's more based in fantasy and the use of animation, virtual reality, CGI porn, etc. to imagine and fantasize about being vulnerable, small, and powerless against a giant," says McDevitt. Macrophiles tend to find pleasure from consuming this kind of content.
26. Necrophilia
Defined as "being sexually aroused by having sexual contact with a corpse," per Lehmiller, necrophilia is a sexual interest with which viewers of 2016's fashion horror film, The Neon Demon, might be familiar. (Recall the scene in which a morgue makeup artist has sex with the dead body on her table.)
"What the research there suggests is that oftentimes people who are interested in that sexual activity have sexual adjustment difficulties," Lehmiller says. "They have a hard time meeting live partners, so they may be interested in the dead partially for that reason."
There may also be an extreme BDSM aspect associated with necrophilia. Sometimes, arousal flows from the fact that a corpse can't fight back or consent to sexual activity, Lehmiller explains. Necrophiliacs might hire a sex worker to lie inert during intercourse, safely mimicking a dead body, or explore the world of freezable sex toys designed to simulate the experience of sex with the dead (or undead, as the case may be, since some of these products have zombie or vampire themes).
27. Nylons
"If someone has a fetish for nylons, it means they're attracted to someone wearing nylons or putting them on," says Richmond. "The tactile part turns them on."
So, how does this fetish develop? Men usually report having childhood experiences where they enjoyed sitting on their mothers' laps and feeling her nylons underneath their legs, she explains. For others, they felt pleasure watching someone put nylons on in a film. And sometimes, people just enjoy the feeling of putting them on or peeling them off.
28. Pet Play
“Pet play is a form of sexual roleplay in which an individual is aroused by the idea of adopting the appearance and/or mannerisms of a non-human animal, such as a dog,” says Lehmiller. (Think: furries.)
“People may be drawn to pet play for various reasons,” says Lehmiller. For some, “it’s more a form of distraction and psychological escape—a way to change your headspace and be in the moment,” he explains. While for others, “it’s about a broader interest in BDSM, in which dominant/submissive elements are expressed through this particular form of roleplay.”
29. Praise Kink
If you like hearing the phrase, “good girl” or “good boy,” you might have a praise kink. And hey, who doesn’t enjoy a compliment, especially during sex? From being told you’re attractive to being praised for a job well done, praise kinks can be incredibly versatile. Praise kinks are also a good example of BDSM not always being mean or strict. Language can be used for building someone up with positive affirmations, instead of humiliating or tearing them down—consensually, of course. “Sometimes, people who like receiving praise like to be challenged to do hard things, and then, when they are coaxed and cajoled through those hard things, be told that they were very, very good for doing them,” says Sexsmith.
Though this kink may seem harmless, it's still important and necessary to negotiate your praise before indulging it during play. This way, you'll avoid accidentally using any misgendering terms, as well as complimenting any features they might not want commented on. Instead, “ask them, 'What do you like to be called?' (like baby, honey, mister, mommy) and 'What makes you feel good?'” says Elle Stanger, an AASECT-certified sex educator and host of the They Talk Sex podcast. “Some people like being told they're working very hard, or making [you] very proud.”
30. Pregnancy
This one's exactly what it sounds like—some people are aroused by pregnant people. The starting point is usually porn, says Richmond, and in fact, there are numerous sections on popular porn websites dedicated to this fetish.
But sometimes, simply seeing expecting mothers, particularly during childhood, is what sets things off. An older sibling watching their mother preparing to deliver their younger sibling can manifest itself into this fetish later in life.
And what people consider pleasurable about pregnancy differs. For some, it's the "glow" pregnant people have. Sometimes, it's seeing a large round belly (the bigger the better) and heavy breasts filled with milk (hello, lactophilia!). And for others, it's the fact that having sex with a pregnant person seems taboo—though expecting parents can, and do, have sex throughout their pregnancy.
31. Public Sex
This fetish is pretty much what it sounds like: getting off on having sex where others might see you, such as on a rooftop or in a public bathroom. This makes public sex a potential favorite of exhibitionists, says Queen. Like many of the fetishes on this list, public sex should be approached with caution. It’s not just the consent of the people having sex that matters—there’s a risk of being seen by people who didn’t sign up for it. And while that may be part of the thrill for some, it’s important that it remains a theoretical thrill only.
Not only is it unethical to expose yourself in public, it’s also illegal, so plan accordingly. To engage in this fetish safely and legally, play parties are often your best bet. “One version of this is going to a setting where others are aware that people are having sex around them like a sex club, a private sex party, bath house, or other adult sexual event,” says Beth Richman, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in Portland, OR. “In this version, the people involved are usually exhibitionists who are aroused by being watched, and voyeurs who are also aroused by watching others. Public sex can be extremely arousing and exhilarating because it breaks societal taboos that tend to promote limitations around sex as being private and between two people, Richman adds. It also allows the people involved to experience group sex, even if, ultimately, you are only having sex with your partner.
32. Quirofilia
Quirofilia can also be known as a hand fetish. And since any eroticization of a specific part of the body is often referred to as “partialism,” quirofilia is sometimes called hand partialism.
A person into quirofilia is especially drawn to fingers and hands. Though this fetish might be uncommon, it isn't too surprising, says Queen, since hands are such significant sexual tools. "Many of us have daydreamed about the feeling of hands all over us, so this just takes such an erotic focus a few steps farther," she explains.
Quirofilia may involve an attraction to certain parts of the hands, manicures or certain acts performed by the hands, from washing dishes to handjobs. If you have a hand fetish and want to explore it with your partner, you should talk to them about ways you can introduce it into your sex life, maybe as a form of foreplay.
33. Sadism
Sadism is typically defined as arousal at the thought of causing pain, but not just any kind of pain, explains Queen.
"'Pain' is a tricky word in BDSM. It's not comparable to enjoying menstrual cramps [since, literally nobody likes that!], or the sensation of getting your finger caught in a door," Queen says. "Kink community people tend to like the term 'intense sensation' better, since when someone is engaged in being spanked or whipped, pinched or pierced, or whatever may be going on, their experience may be vastly different from feeling pain in other contexts.
Instead, this sensation of pain will bring on a rush of endorphins, which to put into context, Queen compares to a runner's high. If someone is into sadism, it's best they look for a partner who's a masochist, in other words, who enjoys receiving the pain.
34. Scene Play
Many sexual kinks and fetishes can fall under the umbrella of scene play, explains Queen, since many people in the BDSM community center their kinky activities within a scene. A scene is a preplanned story including roles that you and your partner will commit to during foreplay and/or actual sex. Think: school teacher and naughty student.
"Going into scene" means partners have talked about what they want to do (or their roles and preferences are baked into their relationship and this info is already known by both)," says Queen. Those involved in scene play often negotiate what their desires and limits are or use signifying titles such as 'mistress' or 'sir.'
Scene play is a contained activity, so it doesn't necessarily mean that partners continue to play out their roles out in the real world. "Within the scene, they may act very differently than they do outside the scene, and 'the scene' contains it," says Queen. The scene often ends when both partners are satisfied, someone uses a safeword, or they're simply out of time.
35. Sensation Play
"The one overarching thing often said about kink is that it is erotic play that includes the whole body, not just the genitals," Queen explains. "Sensation play can definitely include the genitals, but it is also common to engage parts of the body we don't think of as erogenous zones, like the back."
In sensation play, there's a focus on the body and the many sensate experiences a person can have, so flogging, massage, temperature play involving ice cubes or massage candles, tickling, and other kinky play can all fall under the category of sensation play.
36. Sensory Deprivation
Those into sensation play might also get a kick out of sensory deprivation. “Sensory deprivation takes away one or more of our senses, usually sight, hearing, or the ability to move,” says DeGray. Why do some people enjoy it? “When one can’t see and cannot move, it can free them up to become more focused on what is happening in the present and makes it easier to drop their outside stressors.” This doesn’t mean you need to rent time in a float tank to get your kink on. The simple addition of a blindfold or noise canceling headphones count, and you can level up from there.
When beginning to explore sensory deprivation, it’s a good idea to start slowly, because sometimes reactions are difficult to predict. “Not everyone finds that sensory deprivation is a technique that works for them,” says DeGray. “Care needs to be taken and consent needs to be established. If you blindfold or bind someone without establishing enthusiastic consent beforehand, the loss of those senses can trigger deep panic and distrust. Never surprise someone with sensory deprivation—it can go very poorly.”
37. Somnophilia
Somnophilia, sometimes referred to as sleeping beauty syndrome, is defined as getting arousal from a person who is seemingly asleep or unconscious.
This kind of fetish also involves an exchange of power, where the person awake is in a dominant position. However, it should always be approached with informed consent, as should all sexual kinks and fetishes, says McDevitt. Also, because power dynamics are at play, "everyone should be sober [and] know what to expect," McDevitt adds. "And [they should] trust that acting on these kinks can be stopped anytime, for any reason."
38. Temperature Play
Running hot and cold (but in a good way), temperature play can be anything from mild to extreme. “Neuroreceptors in the skin, when affected by various temperatures, can be peak sexual desire,” says Bronstein. Even running a few ice cubes along the skin counts!. And if you like how that feels, try using ice cubes to cool down your mouth and tongue before oral sex.
Metal toys, such as Njoy’s Pure Wand, can be a great accessory for temperature play as they can be safely warmed up or cooled down in a water bath—just make sure they haven’t gotten too hot or cold before putting them on your tender bits. Before trying them on more sensitive tissues, test the toy against your wrist or hand.
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39. Urophilia
Remember that Sex and the City episode where Carrie kink-shamed her politician boyfriend (played by John Slattery) who enjoyed having people pee on him? Well, if Carrie had done her research, she would've learned that there's a saying in the kink scene: YKINMKBYKIOK, which means "Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is OK." And she also would've learned that her partner was into urophilia, or a fetish for "people who are sexually aroused by being urinated on, also colloquially known as 'water sports,'" says Lehmiller.
There may be a BDSM element at work here, too, per Lehmiller: The person getting peed on is clearly submissive to the other, and having someone's pee drip down your body might also evoke some feelings of humiliation.
40. Virginity Fetish
Okay, I know what you’re thinking: What the heck is a virginity fetish? While you might be assuming the worst, this fetish is less related to a person’s desire to take people’s virginities, than it is about certain persons’ want to “re-do” their first sexual experience.
It's not an uncommon desire, according to Lehmiller's research. Forty percent of women and 30 percent of men fantasized about becoming virgins again, Lehmiller found in a survey he conducted for his book Tell Me What You Want. Part of the reason this fantasy is more prevalent among women-identifying folks may be that “women, on average, tend to look back on their first sexual experience less favorably than men,” explains Lehmiller. In other words, “this may not always be about a fetish per se, but sometimes about wanting a ‘do-over.’”
41. Vorarephilia
Often shortened to "vore," vorarephilia can entail fantasies about eating someone or watching someone being eaten, chewed, or swallowed whole.
This cannibalism-influenced sexual interest involves getting eaten alive—"usually being consumed whole and live by a much larger person or creature," Lehmiller explains. "There's often also a BDSM element to that interest as well, in that there’s often this predator/prey scenario and a lot of themes of dominance and submission."
People might indulge this niche inclination through roleplay or through watching (simulated) live-action or animated vore porn, an increasingly popular adult subgenre.
42. Voyeurism
Voyeurism involves consensually observing others undress, have sex or engage in other sexual acts. This isn't to be confused with spying on people without their consent, which is definitely inappropriate, not to mention illegal.
Instead, in this scenario, the person you're observing should enjoy being watched and may even be putting on a show. "This can show up in many ways, including watching a partner masturbate, going to a strip club together, watching live cam videos, etc," says McDevitt. Consensual voyeurism can also typically take place at a swingers party or play party (a party where people participate in BDSM activities), Queen adds.
Wax play is another common part of BDSM often depicted in television, books, and film.
It involves dripping wax onto someone or having wax dripped on you, says Richmond. The biggie here is using appropriate candles. The scented ones you've got around your house will likely not do the trick and might even burn you or your partner. Instead, opt for massage candles that slowly pool wax as they burn and don't instantly harden when poured onto the body—this way you can have bit of fun moving the wax around before it stiffens.
44. Whips
Considering how mainstream whips have become in media portrayals of kink and fetishism, this one might not be so surprising.
Richmond recommends, however, starting slowly if you're new to using whips. This kind of power and punishment play is really fun, but can get painful very quickly if you and your partner don't talk it out first. Ask where they'd like to be whipped and discuss a scale to assess pain, 10 being the hardest whip and 1 being the softest.
It's also a good idea to come up with a safeword other than "stop." Go for something totally random that you'd never say during sex. Maybe try: "sticker" or "asphalt."
45. Zoophilia
Consider Malcolm Brenner, a man whose name you may know thanks to the intimately chronicled romantic relationship he says he sustained with a dolphin, back in the 1970s. Their courtship (which also was briefly sexual) all took place at a theme park in Florida, and was allegedly "dolphin-initiated." This man would be classified as a zoophile or someone who derives sexual arousal from animals.
Isn't this just bestiality? Not quite. Zoophilia relies on emotional investment and, often, the idea that a human-animal relationship is mutually loving. Zoophilia is "more common among people who grow up on farms, and it’s also more common among people who have social interaction difficulties," Lehmiller explains."They might gravitate toward an animal partner rather than a human partner."